Generic Final Fantasy X Story
by lilykane
Summary: Clive was a simple man that wanted nothing more than to live an normal life. Then Rita stepped into his life... Er, I mean, toast.


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~Disclaimer: SEGA! Er, I mean, SQUARESOFT! And this is for fun. Fun is great! Hurray for fun! Hurray for pants!~

Generic Final Fantasy X Story

Once upon a time, Tidus sat on a rock next to Wakka. They were alone, so very alone. You have no idea how alone they were.

"Okay..." Tidus sighed, "Exactly, what's the point of us sitting here alone?"

Wakka turned his attention to Tidus and shrugged, "Sexual tension?"

"I hope you're lying."

"I hope I am too, ya," Wakka sighed as he watched the beautifully romantic sunset. The two young men sat there and watched the sun sink beneath the horizon in silence, both taking much care not to look at each other.

"Hey, Wakka?" Tidus began again.

"Ya?"

"Just out of curiosity, how the hell did we end up by ourselves?"

Wakka shook his head, "Plot hole."

  


*****

  


Suddenly, Jecht, Auron, and Braska were sitting in a bar. Don't ask me why they were in a bar, but they were. Oh, yeah, this is a flashback! Um, yeah.

"I thought you said you were giving up drinking," Auron mumbled.

"I am," Jecht insisted and gestured in front of him, indicating that there weren't any drinks in front of him, but actually in front of Braska.

Braska stood up and slurred, "I LOVE YOU ALL!" He then hunched over and began sobbing, "Yous guys is the greatest friends EVER! I'm gonna miss yous all!"

Jecht frowned, "How are you going to miss us if you're dead?"

"Oh yeah..." Braska straightened up. "Then, I'm gonna..." he began sobbing again. "What the hell was I thinking going on this pilgrimage?!" 

"Get away from the wife and kids?" Auron shrugged.

"No, that would be you," Jecht mumbled. Auron turned and glared at the blitzball player then turned to the side to take a drink from his jug. "You know, I bet everyone thinks we're gay."

"Hmph," replied Auron. "Only you would think of that at a time like this." He took another swig from his jug.

"I...thought you really were gay, Auron," Braska gasped. The summoner then downed another beer.

Auron stood up and pointed down at Braska and Jecht, "THAT'S A FILTHY LIE TOLD BY THE OTHER MONKS!!"

"I didn't say a word," the blitzer shrugged as he leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms.

Braska grinned, stood up again, and hugged Auron, "I LOVE YOU, MAN!"

Jecht rolled his eyes as Auron began crying.

  


*****

  


Seymour stood around, looking evil.

  


*****

  


Back in the present, Auron was standing next to Tidus, who was no longer sitting on a rock with Wakka.

"You know," the blonde began, "I still blame you and my old man for all my problems."

"Heh, the dead crow caws the loudest," the warrior monk replied.

Tidus scratched the back of his head, "Huh? That makes no sense."

"The mirror shows nothing but glass." Tidus didn't reply to that but glared at Auron, who took a drink from his jug as he looked out towards the horizon.

"I hate you," the blitzer finally mumbled.

"The Devil dances in the pale moonlight."

"Stop that."

"One man's morning is another man's evening."

"What does that have to do with me, Spira, or my old man?!"

"Everything, yet nothing."

"I HATE YOU!" With that, Tidus stormed off.

Auron shrugged and continued to drink.

  


*****

  


Half a page later, Rikku appeared from nowhere. 

"I love you, Rikku," Tidus sighed. "Nevermind I'm obviously supposed to fall for Yuna, but damn! You have a nice ass!" Rikku blinked and decided to ignore Tidus for the rest of the story. Little did she know that Wakka was standing behind her.

"Hey...she does have a nice ass, ya," he gasped.

"Okay, what's going on?" the Al Bhed sighed as she crossed her arms.

"Nothing," Tidus shrugged. "You're cute and underage. Therefore, we all like you. Even Auron and Kimahri." As he said that, the athlete pointed to the monk and the Ronso, who both nodded once and had evil glints in their eyes. Not the kind of evil glint that you're thinking, but the kind that little kids have when they steal cookies from the cookie jar.

Rikku blinked and uncrossed her arms, "That makes absolutely no sense."

"Sure it does!" Wakka chimed in. "You're underage, we like you! It's normal!"

"No," the girl shook her head, "That's not normal at ALL."

"What is normal?" Auron pondered thoughtfully. "It's all relative, like the words to a song that no can remember so everyone just makes up their own words."

"That's deep," Wakka nodded.

"Yeah, very," Tidus agreed. Kimahri grunted and also nodded in agreement. The men all then surrounded the girl, each one grinning innocently. Except Auron, but only because he's incapable of grinning.

Rikku cowered, "Uh, I've got to go. Bye!" With that, she jetted past Tidus and Wakka and out the door, that also appeared from nowhere.

  


*****

  


Maestor Mika died for the twelfth time this month.

  


*****

  


In another flashback, an eight year old Tidus stood around with a ball. That's about it, actually. You'd think there would be more, but Tidus didn't do much as a child. Sad, isn't it? And I'd say his dad was there too, but this flashback takes place after Jecht disappeared, so there. 

So basically, there you have it. Tidus and a ball. Exciting, isn't it? There's not even water there. Well, okay, there's water in the background, but Tidus isn't doing anything in the water. He's just standing there with a ball. And it's not even a blitzball. It's a baseball.

  


*****

  


"I can't feel my legs!" screamed Anima in horror as she looked down.

"You don't have any legs," Shiva mumbled in replied.

"Oh, yeah...I forgot about that! Damned Yunalesca."

  


*****

  


Yuna and Lulu finally appeared and joined the rest of the group. The summoner and mage looked around, and noticed that Rikku was hiding in a tree.

"Why is Rikku in a tree?" Yuna asked Tidus who was staring at wonder at his Brotherhood sword. I mean, come on, it's not every day you get to see a sword made of water. 

The blond looked up, "Is that where she went?" He put away his sword and patted Yuna on the shoulders, "Thanks! We've all been looking for Rikku all day!"

Yuna blinked, "Why?"

"Uh...no reason."

Auron chuckled, "Heh, the horse has no saddle."

Tidus turned to Auron and glared, "I wish you would stop saying stuff like that."

"If wishes were fishes I'd be Jesus," Auron replied. The entire group turned and looked at the monk, shocked and thoroughly confused. 

Lulu rolled her eyes, "Men."

"I told you she was a lesbian, ya" Wakka whispered to Tidus. The blonde nodded stiffly.

  


*****

  


Sin was sitting in the dock of the bay peacefully, until people started attacking him. That got him upset, since it hurts to be attacked, you know? So, he thrashed about, trying to get those pesky people to leave him alone, but they just kept attacking. Then some aeons appeared and started poking him. This made Sin very sad. So sad that he began crying and went under water to get away from the pain and humiliation. But then, some people got in the water and followed him and kept attacking him.

So, he ate 'em.

  


*****

  


"Every story has an end," Auron said as he took a swig from his jug.

"Not the Neverending Story," Tidus protested.

"No, that had an ending," Lulu reminded, "Bastien was riding on Falkor."

Yuna nodded, "Yeah, I remember that."

"That's not a real ending," the blonde sighed.

"But the credits started rolling," Yuna sniffled.

"Are we to Zanarkand yet?" Rikku whined.

"That wasn't an ending! And movie had a sequel!" cried Tidus.

"Bastien made the swim team in the end of the sequel," Wakka shrugged. "So, it had an ending, eh?"

Lulu glared at the redhead, "I haven't seen the sequel yet. Thanks for ruining the ending for me."

"Eh, it wasn't that good anyway, ya," Wakka sighed as he sat down to rub his feet.

"Are we there yet?" Rikku whined again.

"And so, that is your story," Auron chuckled.

"No it's not!" Tidus screamed at the monk. "You're not ending this! I am! It's my freaking story!" 

THE END

"I said it wasn't the end! I HATE YOU ALL!"


End file.
